✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Fragments of laudare's chaotic life *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[laudare]

Welcome - An Introduction ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I don't know what made you click on my diary but it sure makes me feel appreciated! I chose the name laudare as my username for the LP-Forum, my Lady is called Cansu however. That is my real name and I would prefer to be called Cansu too (*´∀｀*)ノIt is a turkish name which brings me to my weird multicultural life - I was born to turkish parents in germany, so I speak both german and turkish (and english, and I had five years of french class but let's ignore my bad francais, s'il vous plaît) and well, since a little over a month I'm living in the netherlands so I am currently
working on my dutch (　；∀；) Yes, sometimes I feel like Mrs. Worldwide. I guess it's a good idea to say a little bit about myself (/ω＼) I am 18 years old and used to play LP when I was around 12, remembered it recently and have been sucked into it again! I live with my boyfriend (and his mum and sister), who happens to be a dutch boy I met on Discord. Sounds weird but we have been inseperable since day one! I love writing and reading and playing video games, also food, food is always a good idea!

You may ask yourself now What can I expect from this diary?
I intend to share things that are somehow important to me, be it what I ate or a cool sunset I saw or what I did and definitely lots of oversharing and overthinking. I suffered from a lot of abuse and maybe (if it is allowed) I will talk about that too, to get it out of my head and process it. It will not be graphic, however I do not want anyone else with similar experiences to be reminded of bad things. I hope I will see you again here!

Lots of love,

Cansu *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[laudare]

Sleep? What is sleep? ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I should be asleep, should be laying next to my boyfriend and feel his breathing next to me. But something keeps me awake, something so clear to me that it seems too quintessential, too obvious to be given a name. Sometimes I turn around, take my eyes off the screen and look at him, just to be sure that he is still there. I take everything in; The way his mouth is slightly opened when he sleeps, how not even the beard can make him look imposing when he is sleeping so calmly, his strong eyebrows and long lashes. He has lashes a girl would kill for. The sky is already getting brighter, i see light blue gradually fading into the night sky. I should go to sleep. I know he told me not to spend the whole night in front of the laptop. I know what will happen once I lay in bed. He will wake up just a little, just enough to let his eyes sparkle scoldingly and then he will put his arm around me, pulling me closer before planting a kiss on my head. It happens every night. I guess the time for it has come again, now at 5:21 AM. I will go to sleep. Goodnight, my dear nightowls.

Lots of love,

Cansu ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[laudare]

Bold what applies to me *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I thought this would be a good way to get to know me better (*＾წ＾*) Whoever wants to can definitely do this challenge too! It's really easy, from multiple statements I will bold those that are true about me （*＾＾*)

Appearance:

i have blue hair and green eyes
i have red hair and hazel eyes
i’m very tall
my hair is really really curly - Curly and hard to tame; My boyfriend loves the curls
(/ω＼)
i have brown hair and blue eyes
i have freckles
my eyebrow game is strong -I remember when thick, full eyebrows were considered ugly and all my cousins overplucked them, ha!
i have black hair and brown eyes
i have dimples
i wear contact lenses
i tan easily
i have small eyelashes
i paint my nails - You are never ever gonna see me without my nails painted and filed, usually I file them in an almond shape and paint them in nude or rosé, or red if it's a special occasion (ꈍᴗꈍ)

Clothes / Accessory / Make-up:

i hate wearing flip-flops - I just dislike the feeling of something between my toes
i don’t have converse - Used to have them, but since I went away from home without anything but my schoolbag and the clothes I had on my collection of shoes and heels and sandals has reduced to the pair I was wearing when I left (Black adidas superstars) and a cute pair of flats I bought with my boyfriend
i wear foundation (almost) every day - I don't have a problem with not wearing makeup and since I only had about 8 items of makeup with me when I left from my parents house, I do not wear as much as I used to but yes, I like makeup, a lot!
i have stretch marks / tattoo - As a chubby girl with lots of curves and hips and thighs, yes I have stretchmarks but luckily they don't bother me that much ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙
i love wearing head bands -I actually used to collect them, now I only own two but I love them because they immediately amp up any outfit and help me get my hair out of my face. Plus, since I cut off my almost butt-length hair it makes me feel like I can actually do something with my shoulder long hair
i hate wearing mascara
i have at least one pair of vans
i hate sweaters
i love wearing high heels - Which girl doesn't? I intend to get lots of high heels again, since I left all of them behind (╯︵╰,)
i own brown eyeliner
i love skirts/dresses - And my boyfriend loves seeing me in them
i own at least 3 pairs of jeans - 3x the same exact pair of black jeans, the only ones that fit me good since I have relatively skinny legs compared to my butt. They're from Only and are tight in all the right places
i often wear scarfs
i never wear necklaces

Family / Country:

i’m the oldest child
i have an older brother
i’m from South America
i know how to swear in more then two languages - A couple, i'd say
one (or more) of my parents is from another country - Was born and raised in Germany to turkish parents, so yes
i have a younger sister
i have siblings that live in Asia
i’m an orphan
i have family that live in Australia
i know two or more languages - English (obviously), german, turkish, had french for around 5 years in school and well, I am living in the netherlands now so I picked up on enough dutch to get through in the last 1 and a half months

School / Job:

i’m in high school
i love history - Used to get A grades always, also my boyfriend is annoyed by me constantly lecturing him about historical events
i have/had a teacher that is great in explaining and actually teaching - I used to be loved by my teachers before I changed schools to be part of the IB-Diploma programme, ended up in a racist, snobby school where the teachers hated me. But nevertheless I had plenty of great teachers who I always admired
i got fired
i know what i want to do in future - Big yes on this one, i'll probably talk about this another time
i know more than 3.14 of Pi - Yup, and my boyfriend was really impressed when I counted down 3.14159265
i don’t participate in extracurricular activities
i learn more than one language
i love math
i already have a job
my grades are almost never excellent/very good
i want to go to college/ i’m in college
i want to be a professional athlete / writer/ artist - Always dreamt of publishing my own books (/ω＼)

I have:

broken a bone
ridden a motorcycle
a best friend - Her name is Hanna, and I know her since 14 years
a favorite song currently, it's this
sung in the shower
been told that i’m smart / pretty
punched / slapped somebody
told somebody they are pretty - I love giving compliments!
scars -I actually got a couple, maybe one time ill talk about them, the most prominent are the two scars i have on my cheek and my forehead
my own room - I guess, does sharing with your boyfriend count?
a star crush
pets - My boyfriend and I got a budgie, its a beautiful bird girl that we called Blue (❁´◡`❁) And there are housepets like a pug, fish and cats
kissed a boy / a girl - Actually the first and only person I ever kissed was my boyfriend (/ω＼)
online best friends
spent whole night without sleeping
girlfriend / boyfriend - His name is Luuk ♡

I’m afraid of:

insects / snakes
people disliking me
somebody yelling at me
somebody finding out a secret about me
favorite character dying
stormy weather
death -So scared of it, a couple days ago I actually had a crying attack because I thought of Blue dying
having to talk in front of people
heights
pain
kissing somebody
small rooms

I love:

sci-fi
sleeping until 12pm -I always sleep until 2pm actually (_　_|||)
reading books online
fluffy blankets
animals -I am obsessed with animals, especially dogs!
swimming / diving
watching movies
channing tatum
pizza
hot chocolate
running
baking / cooking
harry potter - Proud slytherin here!
cold showers
my hair
my wardrobe

I hope you enjoyed reading this!
Lots of love,

Cansu✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[laudare]

Shoes and more shoes ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*[

Since I had talked about my love for shoes, especially high heels in my last post, I thought I'd share some shoes that I find absolutely stunning and would love to see in game (*＾წ＾*)

As you can see I really like luxurious shoes ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

Lots of love,

Cansu ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[laudare]

[laudare]

I am a dreamer (Pt.I) ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I always was a dreamer but since I went from being a rich brat with her future laid out in front of her to someone who doesn't own a single penny due to a decision I made in the span of seconds I had to come up with goals for myself. And I want to share them in this post! Some are big, some are little but I am determined to make them come true. After all my dreams are more wishes with a set plan behind it (❁´◡`❁)
And the best thing about it is knowing that my boyfriend has got my back in everything I want to achieve for the both of us! Also, I will say "I will" instead of "I want" because I know i will˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

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I will move out of the house of my boyfriend's mum and find a cute little apartment that I can decorate to how I want it

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I will start an apprenticeship to become a hairdresser and work hard everyday!

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I will start using a filofax to organise my daily life and chores

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I will travel the world with Luuk

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These were some of my dreams but definitely not all, a Part II will follow sooner or later (*＾წ＾*)
Lots of love,

Cansu ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[laudare]

My hair used to be super long apparently ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I never really thought of it but when I looked at some old pictures I noticed that my hair was
actually really long(・へ・) I asked Luuk to cut it a few days after I moved in to his place. I hadn't brushed it for about three weeks and there was a giant knot that I couldn't bother to get out. I had been severely depressed, too depressed to brush my hair. So I decided to just cut it, to get a fresh new start. I am letting my hair grow again, I want it to be even longer than it was before I cut it. Here's pictures for comparison:

My head is tilted but this was the length (/ω＼)

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And this is how it looks now!

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There's about two/three months between the pictures and let me tell you, there's really no need to be sad about cutting your hair. It'll just grow back. Plus, it's a freeing feeling! Now it's just waiting for it to get
long again (*＾წ＾*) Also, Luuk really loved my long hair. He was almost obsessed with it, one of the first things he complimented was my hair. But after he cut my hair short he was surprised himself at how much he liked the short hair. He says its cute （*/∇＼*）
What about you girls? Any stories about cutting your hair?

Lots of love,

Cansu ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[laudare]

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“Perhaps some day I'll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of sorrow.”_{- Sylvia Plath}

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[laudare]

[laudare]