Yesterday saw a really interesting post of Ana's and I said I will tell more in connection to it, cause the subject was close to my heart, so I will write it now-
Also, you find the post here
Subject: The world as seen by Ana and I suggest to read it first
So about life. I always somehow avoided writing too much and deep stuff about these really serious topics cause, unfortunately, I share the vision of a Romanian writer- I cannot write anything, unless using first person. So, while Ana brought the soft and delicate touches in the form of a poem, I will add more like a personal life experience.
While I don't think I have the sad story behind, I definitely experienced the vision of ,,bleak and meaningless''. Not a day, or a month, but almost my entire teenage years. I don't wish it to anyone, so basically that is why I am writing this now, even at the costs of you know, letting the whole internet see this. I have very high and hard to accomplish dreams and was silly enough to share them once upon a time. And people discouraged me, like they saw the harsh reality. The economic aspects of life, the social ones, but failed to realise that a dream is a dream. Our hopes no matter how crazy they sound or how small are the chances for us to touch them, are what keeps us alive. Maybe not alive like breathing or functioning, but alive in the long run - they give you strength to carry on when not everything works right, to wake up every day and be a ,,man with a mission'', to smile and feel good about your life itself. You will end up regretting more what you didn't do than what you tried. Anyway, so since a pretty young age I was redirected to things that were prescribed by the norms of society, but I wasn't totally giving in. I was stuck in two worlds. One tried to make people proud and see that I am capable and hardworking and serious and all that, one constantly disappointed that I wasn't doing what would made me feel proud and capable and accomplished. And that showed in my social interactions, opinions, choices, everything. I was living a life that apparently was mine, but I didn't feel like it belonged to who I really wanted to be. It was a very crazy circle of internal sadness that no one really understood cause this kind of bleak and meaningless is pretty much what everyone misses. Crazy enough not even qualified grownups could receive my message. It got pretty dark after a while and was very very ready to crash, but thankfully, some said the right and so much needed things and I had the last drop of internal strength to say ,,this is it, I had enough, screw your opinions, your facts, your everything, I am finally doing what I want to do no matter the costs''. It wasn't easy at first, but I found a little escape, used the main last ,,train'' , departing from everyone and everything and starting over again. And while you know, I am far from being accomplished and I certainly for the moment don't have the ,,wow'' factor, I feel better. Sure, not everything is in a shade of pink or it is not like sometimes I am not overwhelmed between expectations, reality and obligations, or still being anxious, or regretting the past, but now I can see day by day how my old self is kind of resurfacing, how the spark is still living. Now I am wiser and I know more so it is just like 2.0. version, but still the same concept behind. Still the same dreams, still the same hopes. It is a long road ahead but I am still so young and have so many ideas and so much will power, that I don't fear it, in fact I am looking forward to it.
So, all in all- live your life. Live for yourself. And that is enough. Being the best and happiest person you can be, it may seem selfish, but, in fact, it is the best thing you can do for yourself and the entire world. Your heart knows best what is right and what is wrong, what you can carry on your shoulders and what you can't. It is what it is. Live your life, cause nobody will regret more if you don't than your own very self. And that will end up badly for everyone. Sometimes, doing the apparently selfish thing is the selfless choice.
but claudia is pisces and so is bubbles
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