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Be honest: Writing time

PostPosted: 16 Dec 2017, 01:30
by mizztetianna
Tell me what do you think about this paragraph. Be honest....I'm not afraid of the truth. If a story started off like this would you read the rest of it? :wink:

I was sick of being controlled. I was sick of pretending. I was sick of the judging. I was sick of just about everything in life. I just wanted to run away and leave everything behind. I just wanted to pack up my belongings and vanish. But, I couldn't, it was complicated.

Re: Be honest: Writing time

PostPosted: 17 Dec 2017, 18:27
by Winter Violet
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Hi mizztetianna. Below is my 100% honest feedback.

》It sounds like a suicide note.

》Way too many sentences in one paragraph beginning with "I".

》It sounds like you are simply reading a grocery list of complaints versus giving the reader any actual depth or feeling. Because of this, the character comes off as really self-involved...instead of self-aware, which is what I think you were aiming for.

》If your interested in writing as a hobby or future career, you should definitely get into some sort of writing course. It will really help develop your skills.

》Also, consider an acting course as well if you can. It couldn't hurt! This way you will be able to further develop aspects of each character in your story or book.

》Good luck to you! ♡

Winter Violet_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Re: Be honest: Writing time

PostPosted: 19 Dec 2017, 21:40
by mizztetianna
Winter Violet wrote:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hi mizztetianna. Below is my 100% honest feedback.

》It sounds like a suicide note.

》Way too many sentences in one paragraph beginning with "I".

》It sounds like you are simply reading a grocery list of complaints versus giving the reader any actual depth or feeling. Because of this, the character comes off as really self-involved...instead of self-aware, which is what I think you were aiming for.

》If your interested in writing as a hobby or future career, you should definitely get into some sort of writing course. It will really help develop your skills.

》Also, consider an acting course as well if you can. It couldn't hurt! This way you will be able to further develop aspects of each character in your story or book.

》Good luck to you! ♡

Winter Violet_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Thanks so much! Actually acting sound pretty fun! I'll change improve it :biggrin: