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Be honest: Writing time

PostPosted: 16 Dec 2017, 01:30
by mizztetianna
Tell me what do you think about this paragraph. Be honest....I'm not afraid of the truth. If a story started off like this would you read the rest of it? :wink:

I was sick of being controlled. I was sick of pretending. I was sick of the judging. I was sick of just about everything in life. I just wanted to run away and leave everything behind. I just wanted to pack up my belongings and vanish. But, I couldn't, it was complicated.

Re: Be honest: Writing time

PostPosted: 17 Dec 2017, 18:27
by Winter Violet
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Hi mizztetianna. Below is my 100% honest feedback.

》It sounds like a suicide note.

》Way too many sentences in one paragraph beginning with "I".

》It sounds like you are simply reading a grocery list of complaints versus giving the reader any actual depth or feeling. Because of this, the character comes off as really self-involved...instead of self-aware, which is what I think you were aiming for.

》If your interested in writing as a hobby or future career, you should definitely get into some sort of writing course. It will really help develop your skills.

》Also, consider an acting course as well if you can. It couldn't hurt! This way you will be able to further develop aspects of each character in your story or book.

》Good luck to you! ♡

Winter Violet_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Re: Be honest: Writing time

PostPosted: 19 Dec 2017, 21:40
by mizztetianna
Winter Violet wrote:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hi mizztetianna. Below is my 100% honest feedback.

》It sounds like a suicide note.

》Way too many sentences in one paragraph beginning with "I".

》It sounds like you are simply reading a grocery list of complaints versus giving the reader any actual depth or feeling. Because of this, the character comes off as really self-involved...instead of self-aware, which is what I think you were aiming for.

》If your interested in writing as a hobby or future career, you should definitely get into some sort of writing course. It will really help develop your skills.

》Also, consider an acting course as well if you can. It couldn't hurt! This way you will be able to further develop aspects of each character in your story or book.

》Good luck to you! ♡

Winter Violet_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

.





Thanks so much! Actually acting sound pretty fun! I'll change improve it :biggrin:

Re: Be honest: Writing time

PostPosted: 05 Nov 2018, 07:00
by Swiftcat
Be Honest: Writing the time


To me I feel like this person needs to move away and is not happy were they are, they need go to a better place where people don't judge, It sounds like they are in a place of a lot of judgment and hate on them.
Also it sounds like they been tormenting this person bad that has led her with nothing else but bad thourghts
This person is speaking out for help and can't get any cause no one believes in them at all.

NAME SWIFTCAT

ID 5443475